Books to help you revel in your femininity. (This post will grow as I add books over time. Check back often.)
Before I proceed, it should be noted that although the audience for these books is women, that does not mean that men wouldn't gain insight from reading them. I encourage each gender to "read up" on the other to get a better understanding of the opposite gender's struggles and strengths.
"Understanding the Purpose and Power of Woman" by Dr. Myles Monroe brings us all the way back to the Genesis creation account to explore how God originally designed "female", why God designed her that way, and what that means for gender interactions within our marriages and our churches. Be forewarned - this is challenging material. Dr. Monroe makes a strong, scripturally based argument which undoubtably will be considered "traditional" (in it's negative connotation) and therefore dismissed by many before they read the full text. My recommendation is that one reserve judgement until they have finished the book. (See also the companion book to this in the Manly Men list)
"The New Eve: Choosing God's Best For Your Life and Receiving God's Blessing" by Robert Lewis with Jeremy Howard. Dr. Lewis has shown thousands of men the way to "authentic manhood" through his Men's Fraternity program. Now, he takes a look at womanhood using the same stringent biblical approach. With wit and insight, he shows women the "bold moves" they need to make to become a 21st century Eve.
"The Feminist Mistake: The Radical Impact of Feminism on Church and Culture" by Mary A. Kassian. With this updated edition to her best selling "The Feminist Gospel", Mary Kassian follows feminism both inside and outside of the church from antiquity right into the 21st century. Where does feminism, either secular or biblical, jive with a scriptural portrait of femininity? This and other relevant issues are discussed with clarity backed up by extensive research.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
Showing posts with label My Reading List. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Reading List. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Manly Men (for Men)
Books to help men be all that they can be. (This post will grow as I add books over time. Check back often.)
Before I proceed, it should be noted that although the audience for these books is men, that does not mean that women wouldn't gain insight from reading them. I encourage each gender to "read up" on the other to get a better understanding of the opposite gender's struggles and strengths.
"Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men" by Dr. Myles Monroe brings us all the way back to the Genesis creation account to explore how God originally designed "male", why God designed him that way, and what that means for gender interactions within our marriages and our churches. Be forewarned - this is challenging material. Dr. Monroe makes a strong, scripturally based argument which undoubtably will be considered "traditional" (in it's negative connotation) and therefore dismissed by many before they read the full text. My recommendation is that one reserve judgement until they have finished the book. (See also the companion book to this in the Feminine Mystique list)
"Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul" by John Eldredge is, of course, the standard bearer for the new masculine identity. It should be noted that I differ with Eldredge on some minor points (see notes below), but all in all, this is a book every man should read to rediscover the "wild heart" that God placed in all of us.
"No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice Instead of Good Hurts Men, Women and Children" by Paul Coughlin, and "The Samson Syndrome: What You Can Learn from the Baddest Boy in the Bible" by Mark Atteberry. I recommend these two books together as they somewhat balance each other. I disagree with Paul Coughlin on some points the same as I do with Eldredge, but the Sampson book helps balance those perspectives by showing where manliness can turn into destructive machismo.
"The Silence of Adam: Becoming Men of Courage in a World of Chaos", by Dr. Larry Crabb, Don Michael Hudson, and Al Andrews. Simply a great book. Helps to explain the fall's influence on maleness.
"Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family" by Steve Farrar. Simply the best guide I have ever read on manly husbandship and fatherhood.
"Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time" by by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey (Editor). There are a great many books I have on my future reading list regarding the struggles we face as men and the strategies to conquering them. None of those books would be possible without this groundbreaking work. Simply a must read for every male over the age of 14.
Online: Not all great reading is in books. There are websites that contain a wealth of written info regarding marriage and relationships. Please also consider a visit to these worthy resources:
xxxChurch - I know, it sounds bad. They even bill themselves as the "#1 Christian Porn Site". Trust me, it's all a "bait and switch". They are actually the #1 Christian porn recovery site. Includes a news letter, blogs, forums, and other resources. A great first stop for any man who is struggling with sexual immorality. WARNING - this is not a topic for the faint of heart. Although the site moderators keep a good control over explicit expression, the issue itself is explicit enough.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
Before I proceed, it should be noted that although the audience for these books is men, that does not mean that women wouldn't gain insight from reading them. I encourage each gender to "read up" on the other to get a better understanding of the opposite gender's struggles and strengths.
"Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men" by Dr. Myles Monroe brings us all the way back to the Genesis creation account to explore how God originally designed "male", why God designed him that way, and what that means for gender interactions within our marriages and our churches. Be forewarned - this is challenging material. Dr. Monroe makes a strong, scripturally based argument which undoubtably will be considered "traditional" (in it's negative connotation) and therefore dismissed by many before they read the full text. My recommendation is that one reserve judgement until they have finished the book. (See also the companion book to this in the Feminine Mystique list)
"Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul" by John Eldredge is, of course, the standard bearer for the new masculine identity. It should be noted that I differ with Eldredge on some minor points (see notes below), but all in all, this is a book every man should read to rediscover the "wild heart" that God placed in all of us.
"No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice Instead of Good Hurts Men, Women and Children" by Paul Coughlin, and "The Samson Syndrome: What You Can Learn from the Baddest Boy in the Bible" by Mark Atteberry. I recommend these two books together as they somewhat balance each other. I disagree with Paul Coughlin on some points the same as I do with Eldredge, but the Sampson book helps balance those perspectives by showing where manliness can turn into destructive machismo.
"The Silence of Adam: Becoming Men of Courage in a World of Chaos", by Dr. Larry Crabb, Don Michael Hudson, and Al Andrews. Simply a great book. Helps to explain the fall's influence on maleness.
"Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family" by Steve Farrar. Simply the best guide I have ever read on manly husbandship and fatherhood.
"Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time" by by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey (Editor). There are a great many books I have on my future reading list regarding the struggles we face as men and the strategies to conquering them. None of those books would be possible without this groundbreaking work. Simply a must read for every male over the age of 14.
Online: Not all great reading is in books. There are websites that contain a wealth of written info regarding marriage and relationships. Please also consider a visit to these worthy resources:
xxxChurch - I know, it sounds bad. They even bill themselves as the "#1 Christian Porn Site". Trust me, it's all a "bait and switch". They are actually the #1 Christian porn recovery site. Includes a news letter, blogs, forums, and other resources. A great first stop for any man who is struggling with sexual immorality. WARNING - this is not a topic for the faint of heart. Although the site moderators keep a good control over explicit expression, the issue itself is explicit enough.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
Understanding Women (for Men)
Books for understanding the mystery that is woman. (This post will grow as I add books over time. Check back often.)
"For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women" by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn should be required reading for every man who is either married or is in a season of life where marriage is a possibility.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
"For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women" by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn should be required reading for every man who is either married or is in a season of life where marriage is a possibility.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
Understanding Men (for Women)
Books that help women understand the strange world of men. (This post will grow as I add books over time. Check back often.)
To begin with, "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men" by Shaunti Feldhahn should be required reading for every woman who is either married or is in a season of life where marriage is a possibility.
"Married But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create the Intimacy You Desire" by Paul and Sandy Coughlin. Another book by Paul Caughlin, this time joined by his wife. It is directed primarily toward women and is useful for both the married woman with a disengaged husband, and a single woman who wants to avoid ending up with a disengaged husband. It builds on many of the principles of "No More Christian Nice Guy" (see my Manly Men list).
"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Be prepared to be challenged about everything you thought you knew (or your mother or girlfriends have told you) about having a happy relationship with your man.
"The Man Whisperer: Speaking Your Man's Language To Bring Out His Best" by Rick Johnson. Picking up where "For Women Only" leaves off, this book provides even greater insight into the inner lives of men: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It also offers great tips on how to influence (which does not necessarily mean "change") your man to be all he can be.
"In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man: The One God Approves and a Woman Wants" by Michelle Mckinney Hammond. Do you want to get past all the nice guy vs. bad guy hype - this is a great start.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
To begin with, "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men" by Shaunti Feldhahn should be required reading for every woman who is either married or is in a season of life where marriage is a possibility.
"Married But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create the Intimacy You Desire" by Paul and Sandy Coughlin. Another book by Paul Caughlin, this time joined by his wife. It is directed primarily toward women and is useful for both the married woman with a disengaged husband, and a single woman who wants to avoid ending up with a disengaged husband. It builds on many of the principles of "No More Christian Nice Guy" (see my Manly Men list).
"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Be prepared to be challenged about everything you thought you knew (or your mother or girlfriends have told you) about having a happy relationship with your man.
"The Man Whisperer: Speaking Your Man's Language To Bring Out His Best" by Rick Johnson. Picking up where "For Women Only" leaves off, this book provides even greater insight into the inner lives of men: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It also offers great tips on how to influence (which does not necessarily mean "change") your man to be all he can be.
"In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man: The One God Approves and a Woman Wants" by Michelle Mckinney Hammond. Do you want to get past all the nice guy vs. bad guy hype - this is a great start.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
Marriage and Relationships (for Men and Women)
Books I have read on developing strong, loving marriages. (This post will grow as I add books over time. Check back often.)
"Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs" and "Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language", both by Emerson Eggerichs. These are written from a Christian perspective. Importantly, the concept of "respect" is the least understood and most dismissed concept by women in their relationships with men. The loss of this concept and attitude is the most destructive result of the emmasculization of men and derission of maleness which has occured not only in society but most disturbingly, in the church. These books are hard for women to read (my wife struggled greatly with anger and resistance when reading about respect) but that is why it is so important for women to work through this material.
A great companion to the these books is a book by secular (I presume) authors who explore the actual physiological brain differences which result in the perceptable differences discussed in the two books above. Although this is a purely secular book, it is amazing how much it corroberates the Christian perspective. I do have some reservations about the secular approach in the book, especially on it's emphasis on evolution (but...see new entry below). Anyway, the book is "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps" by Allan and Barbara Pease. And yes, it is as whitty as the title suggests.
There is now a Christian equivalent to "Why Men Don't Listen..." which covers the same ground (and provides much more extensive scientific references). That book is "His Brain, Her Brain: How Divinely Designed Differences Can Strengthen Your Marriage" by Dr. Walt and Barb Larimore. This book alleviates all of the concerns I had about "Why Men Don't Listen..."
An oldy but a goody from Robert Lewis, the founder of Men's Fraternity and author of "The New Eve". In the book "Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage", Lewis and co-author William Hendricks take a dim view of both the traditional (i.e., patriarchal) model for marriage and the feminist driven egalitarian model. Delving deeply into the Genesis account as well as the significant volume of teaching on marriage in the New Testament, Lewis reveals anew the true godly design for marriage - one that provides equality without sacrificing gender specific roles and needs.
Just recently read two companion books: "12 Lies Husbands Tell Their Wives" and "12 Lies Wives Tell Their Husbands" by Tim and Sheila Ritter. The authors recommend that both sexes read both books, although the primary audience for each is the gender telling the lies. Very good books for understanding your spouse AND yourself.
I was browsing through the clearance books at the local Christian book store some time back and ran across a book with the curious title "Not Your Parents' Marriage". For $4.99, I figured I couldn't go wrong. I bought the book and promptly buried it deep in my "to read" stack. What I found when I finally got around to it was simply the most amazing book I have ever read on building healthy marriage relationships. The reason this book is so wonderful is not because it holds some great, deep secret within its pages. Quite to the contrary, it is the book's simple and clear presentation that makes it both charming and chock full of wisdom. I would recommend this book before any other for engaged couples and for those married couples who can't figure out why it is they can't seem to get along.
Online: Not all great reading is in books. There are websites that contain a wealth of written info regarding marriage and relationships. Please also consider a visit to these worthy resources:
The Marriage Bed - Explores marriage, sexuality, and intimacy from a healthy Christian perspective. Contains position papers on a wide range of topics as well as a user forum. WARNING - many of the topics discussed on this site are intimate and even explicit in nature and the authors do not pull any punches. Everything is handled with as much discretion as possible but caveat lector. In general, I do not recommend the forums as they often contain "R" to "X" rated discussions.
Also see my favorite blog list for marriage blogs.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
"Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs" and "Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language", both by Emerson Eggerichs. These are written from a Christian perspective. Importantly, the concept of "respect" is the least understood and most dismissed concept by women in their relationships with men. The loss of this concept and attitude is the most destructive result of the emmasculization of men and derission of maleness which has occured not only in society but most disturbingly, in the church. These books are hard for women to read (my wife struggled greatly with anger and resistance when reading about respect) but that is why it is so important for women to work through this material.A great companion to the these books is a book by secular (I presume) authors who explore the actual physiological brain differences which result in the perceptable differences discussed in the two books above. Although this is a purely secular book, it is amazing how much it corroberates the Christian perspective. I do have some reservations about the secular approach in the book, especially on it's emphasis on evolution (but...see new entry below). Anyway, the book is "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps" by Allan and Barbara Pease. And yes, it is as whitty as the title suggests.There is now a Christian equivalent to "Why Men Don't Listen..." which covers the same ground (and provides much more extensive scientific references). That book is "His Brain, Her Brain: How Divinely Designed Differences Can Strengthen Your Marriage" by Dr. Walt and Barb Larimore. This book alleviates all of the concerns I had about "Why Men Don't Listen..."An oldy but a goody from Robert Lewis, the founder of Men's Fraternity and author of "The New Eve". In the book "Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage", Lewis and co-author William Hendricks take a dim view of both the traditional (i.e., patriarchal) model for marriage and the feminist driven egalitarian model. Delving deeply into the Genesis account as well as the significant volume of teaching on marriage in the New Testament, Lewis reveals anew the true godly design for marriage - one that provides equality without sacrificing gender specific roles and needs.Just recently read two companion books: "12 Lies Husbands Tell Their Wives" and "12 Lies Wives Tell Their Husbands" by Tim and Sheila Ritter. The authors recommend that both sexes read both books, although the primary audience for each is the gender telling the lies. Very good books for understanding your spouse AND yourself.I was browsing through the clearance books at the local Christian book store some time back and ran across a book with the curious title "Not Your Parents' Marriage". For $4.99, I figured I couldn't go wrong. I bought the book and promptly buried it deep in my "to read" stack. What I found when I finally got around to it was simply the most amazing book I have ever read on building healthy marriage relationships. The reason this book is so wonderful is not because it holds some great, deep secret within its pages. Quite to the contrary, it is the book's simple and clear presentation that makes it both charming and chock full of wisdom. I would recommend this book before any other for engaged couples and for those married couples who can't figure out why it is they can't seem to get along.Online: Not all great reading is in books. There are websites that contain a wealth of written info regarding marriage and relationships. Please also consider a visit to these worthy resources:
The Marriage Bed - Explores marriage, sexuality, and intimacy from a healthy Christian perspective. Contains position papers on a wide range of topics as well as a user forum. WARNING - many of the topics discussed on this site are intimate and even explicit in nature and the authors do not pull any punches. Everything is handled with as much discretion as possible but caveat lector. In general, I do not recommend the forums as they often contain "R" to "X" rated discussions.
Also see my favorite blog list for marriage blogs.
*******************
For full disclosure, I should note that there are two general issues around which I disagree with the solutions proposed by almost all authors I have read. Those issues are confrontation (with bullies, primarily) and the priority of female attractiveness in relationships.
Specifically, I do not agree with the proactive, violent, thrashing out approach most authors support as the "manly" response to bullying, physical threats, and protection of the weak. I truly believe that such an approach returns evil for evil and violates the "turn the other cheek" directive of Christ. That does not mean that I don't think men should exhert their power physically in those situations if required. But my personal approach is always a defensive and negotiative one, not an offensive one.
And although I agree with most authors in the reality that physical attractiveness is a priority for men, I don't believe that it has to be or that such a priority is godly. As such, I bristle at any suggestion that maintaining attractiveness is some kind of requirement for a woman to be godly or that there is any justification for men to discard their women because they don't maintain some standard of beauty. Scripture makes it clear not only that beauty does not last forever (Proverbs 31:30) but that we are to adore and be captivated (to turn an Eldredge phrase) by our wives at all times, regardless of the natural degradation that time, gravity, and physiology inflict on their bodies (Proverbs 5:19)
I just had to add that lest one think that I agree with absolutely everything every author writes. But by and large, these are really excellent books and these few quibbles do not prevent me from recommending them highly.
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